Review: Pixel Buds!

Unboxing

Pros

1. Google Assistant in my ear. It also showed me that I really need to clean out numbers for everyone on speed-dial. Took entirely too long when speaking because Assistant kept asking me which number to use for the various contacts I wanted to call. Instead of, you know, the one that I text and call all the time. So for all you conspiracy theorists, Google does not know all, even when it's on your phone. Either that or the AI needs a lot of tweaking.
2. Google Pixel Help - Can it be broken? Just hand it to me. I'll QA that thing in ways you never imagined.
via GIPHY The Google Chat help techs were good, even if I did eye-roll once or twice (because, help desk, and I am contacting you because I couldn't figure it out on my own and I am not a normal user).
3.  I haven't had a chance to play with translation, but the Babelfish ability was the main selling point.

Cons

This list was surprisingly easy to come up with starting within just the first few minutes of wearing the Buds. Software and audio-wise, I have no complaints. The issues below are just my opinion and my special ability to break things came into play again.

1. They hurt like a mofo! I kid you not. I can stick most things in my ears and use the default gel cover, so I know my ears aren't terribly abnormal. I mean, I even find the JBL Connect comfortable for a few hours. After I got Assistant set up and got over the giddiness of trying new tech, I realized that my ears hurt. I would not be falling asleep to Moby's Long Ambients wearing these anytime soon. 

   

   This is supposed to be the correct configuration
   so that they don't fall out of your ear.

   
   

   

   If I wear them slightly incorrectly,
   I can stand a few hours.
   Why hasn't anyone come up with gel pads for these things?????

2. I'm female. I know that Google hires women. I would hope that there were some women on the development and product testing team for Pixel Buds. Or even a man smart enough to do the research on how people actually treat their headphones and where we put them. Maybe even a man with long, thick hair that things get tangled in? Or anyone who has to deal with the lack of space in what passes for pockets on women's clothing and skinny jeans???? Judging by some lacking features, I would say not. Back to the female part, sometimes I wear clothes without pockets. I know, INCONCEIVABLE!!!!
   
   Most headphone makers have addressed this (I'm looking at you LG and Samsung). I even have some "hidden jewelry" type BT headphones for certain occasions. But these, these, what am I supposed to do with them???? I can't hang them around my neck because they will fall off and/or get tangled in my hair. Not a proper neckband, the earpieces don't cleverly stick together to form a functional if slightly tacky "necklace", you can't loop together to form a bracelet (trust me, I tried, they fell off).


And if I don't have pockets, there's no point in carefully putting them back in their case (because let's be honest, that is the only way to get them back in so it closes) to carry around with me. I need a better solution in order to be able to wear them on my body all day.

Update 11/20/2017

And lastly, they don't multi-pair. At least not for me. I was able to pair them to my Pixel C and that dropped the connection to my Pixel 2 XL and then I had to go through the whole rigamarole of re-pairing them back to my phone when I wanted to switch devices. 

• Realize that headphones aren't paired. 
• Hit "Connect" from the phone. 
• Try to force the pairing from the case. 
• Remember that buds have to be in the case in order to pair.
• Put buds back in the case and press button for 10 minutes until they finally re-pair, maybe -- because simply pressing "Connect" doesn't work! Eventually, I had to forget the buds and try re-pair from scratch. Lesson learned.
• When that didn't work, contact Google Help. Get disconnected from chat. Have the Google Help tech call me back and walk me through the reset process. 

How-to Reset Your Pixel Buds

Y'all, there's a reset process for the Pixel Buds!

Place buds in case.

Hold button for 60 seconds or until the light flashes amber. Yes, your thumb(nail) will get sore.

Let go and wait until light flashes green (you may have to press again after the light flashes amber) and then go through the documented manual pairing instructions.

Always make sure that you have a green light when you open the case (if your Buds are fully charged). That is apparently the indicator that they are ready to go. No light = no joy.
And there you have it. Now, I am going to back to listening to Rosario Dawson kick ass on the Moon. These are good for audio books.