Am I a Whole30 Failure?

Yes, I am and I am not afraid to admit it. No justification. And I am not going to let it stress me out. There are some reasons behind it that make me okay with failure. Usually I would be beating myself up over failing something like this.

First off, I am so sick and tired of eggs - and I love eggs!, especially since I can't have cheesy omelettes.  Not that I usually put cheese in my omelettes, but that flat out restriction is really irksome. I like a light breakfast of Greek yogurt and fruit. The lack of raw honey every day is almost worse than the chocolate restriction.

I don't have food relationship issues. Food and I get along very well. I now feed my body whole, nutritionally dense, natural foods to keep me healthy (and fit, we're getting there). Being on this for one week is causing me more anxiety than I care to deal with. Occasionally I splurge on the non-natural, not-so-nutritionally dense items, my body reminds me why I don't do that any more, and we get back on track.

Going paleo and experimenting with different amounts and types of carbs (high- and low-glycemic, etc.) has shown me that carbohydrates do contribute to inflammation and my chronic back pain. I am moderately gluten intolerant (not allergic thank goodness!). My IBS has almost completely disappeared; the only time I get flare-ups is after eating pasta or too many baked goods. So I avoid them.

At this point the weight loss is a bonus because it feels so damn good to be pain free 90% of the time. I can DO THINGS again and not worry about being out of commission for days afterward, nor do I worry about spending 2-3 hours per day stuck in the bathroom wishing I had control of my body.

You need to understand that I have had chronic back pain since JHS. That's over half of my life. Before, my doctors just kept giving me drugs, and at one point things were so bad that my chiropractor was going to refer me to a pain management specialist once we ruled out fibromyalgia (2 trigger points shy of a diagnosis and I couldn't have been happier). At that point in my life, Vicodin no longer knocked me out, it made me functional. T3 was my best friend.

But he also told me that I needed to either find a different job, get a shorter commute, or get a different car -- and lose weight. I was hovering around 200 then. Four hours in a bucket seat and driving a stick shift every day wasn't doing me any favors either. Only 200. But it was 40-60lbs too much for my spine to handle. Let's just say that some family members called me Twiggy growing up because I resembled the model (only in body type). At 200 lbs I didn't look bad, and I was nowhere near morbidly obese, but I didn't look or feel like myself either. And frankly, the idea of having a massive heart attack in my early 60s wasn't all that appealing either. So I started looking for ways to change my life and keep the weight off while still enjoying life and not managing to injure myself...

Anyway, after thinking I should beat myself up about not being able to get through a week of Whole30 I decided to do a little more research.
People use the Whole30 as a stepping stone to the autoimmune protocol, but who else should consider doing a Whole30?
With few exceptions, I think everyone should spend 30 days examining their habits, their relationship with food, and how the foods they've been eating are actually affecting their health. More specifically, the Whole30 is designed for sugar and carb addicts, people who feel “out of control” with their food habits, anyone with a health condition (from diabetes to acne to asthma to infertility),  athletes looking to perform and recover more effectively, and anyone who wants to have more energy, sleep better, be more focused, and lose weight. From The Paleo Mom

That's not me. I have spent the last 5 years examining my life, my relationship with food, how I became a carb addict (I wasn't growing up), and what led me to where I was. I have finally arrived at a happy place. I can go weeks without eating chocolate now because I don't crave it any more. But for some reason, one week on Whole30 and I was ready to devour a full tub of Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Raspberry bars, a box of Joe-Joes and all of the Lindt truffles I could get my hands on. #Emoeating is bad, mmkay.

I didn't though. I managed to control myself, but just barely. I don't need an "food intervention" that causes me anxiety in my life because I'm not "sticking to the rules". That's more likely to cause me issues with food than solve any underlying ones. And for this last week, I have had all the detriments of eating a high-carb, sugar laden diet - lousy sleep, mood swings, and tired ALL THE TIME even though I was supposedly eating healthier than ever.

And, for me, that's the main reason why I failed Whole30. I would rather fail than have an anxiety attack over food; food, that for the most part I have already incorporated into my healthy lifestyle. I'm now going to make some Paleo Banana Bread and eat it with honey. Well, when I have some time, maybe this weekend.

In solidarity with friends and loved ones, I'll still try to be Whole30 compliant during the week, but on the weekends, I'm having my pancakes, dammit. I need something to look forward to.