Here it comes again...

"B" is for Basilisk by JustMick on deviantART

Rearing it's pressurized ugly head, making me feel, well, anxious. Unsure. Confused. Apathetic. Pathetic. A fraud. The negative self-talk is back in force and frankly, it's almost paralyzing and I need to do this core dump so I get it out of my system and maybe get back to my day job. Hopefully.

It's hard to breathe, to think, to focus. I feel like I'm drowning. Where's my security blanket? My cave? A cave would be good. Really good. Which is counter-intuitive because I really need more sunlight. I'm back to being high yellow again... but I don't want to be out and about. I want to be somewhere dark, warm, safe.

Maybe then I'll be able to think and kick myself into high gear. Speaking of which, I just got asked for more slides and to prep for a presentation. Have I mentioned that I am much better being the rock star behind the curtain and not front and center? Do NOT put me center stage. Maybe that's it. I don't mind stepping up and having my efforts recognized, quietly. I just need a few key players to recognize the awesomeness that is me (positive self-talk there, see what I did?) and not everyone. And my presentation skills have seriously deteriorated since high school. Being the perfectionist that I am, I see and magnify every single flaw, and then I don't want to present again for fear of making the same mistake again and actually presenting over WebEx is worse for me because I can't see the audience, can't pace myself, can't judge how things are being received, IF they are being received and all those little body language cues that I use to navigate through real life.

Deep breath. I can do this. Somehow.

Pass the xanax, please.

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