Because who doesn't miss the Darwin Awards



(February 2008, France) A 71-year-old pensioner met a shocking end when his frugal attempt to illuminate his yard with power siphoned from the National Grid backfired spectacularly.

The gentleman in question illegally opened a major power junction box at the front of his house, intending to hard-wire a cable to his garden shed. Unfortunately, the poor chap attempted to do this rewiring during a major downpour.

The fatal result was all too predictable. He was immediately deep fried and declared deceased at the scene.

1--Don't hardwire your shed to a local power substation
2--Don't hardwire your shed to a power line... in the rain!
3--There _is_ such a thing as being too frugal.
A SCREW LOOSE (2008 Darwin Award)

(April 2008, Texas) A contract worker was hired to install reinforcement bars on a communications tower near Camp Bullis. He was using power tools high above the ground, when two other workers saw him lean back and fall 225 feet to his death. Turns out, the man had loosened the bolts on the bar to which he was attached.

Police are calling it a tragic accident.
BENCH PRESS (2008 Near Miss)

(August 2008, Hong Kong) It's raining. You're lonely. Why not?

That was how 41-year-old Xian found himself face down on a bench, and calling for help in the middle of the night. The lonely man had noticed that the steel sit-up benches in LanTian Park had numerous ventilation holes, and thought it might be possible to use them for sexual gratification.

Enticing orifices.

Once Xian became aroused, he found he was stuck and could not remove himself from the hole in the bench. Quite understandably, he panicked. Police received a call from a disturbed man, and arrived to find poor Xian trapped face-down on the bench.

Doctors were summoned to the scene. They tried, but emergency workers had to cut the entire bench free and take him to the hospital.

Four painful hours later, doctors finally separated Xian from his bench. It is certainly possible that the lack of blood flow could have caused sufficient damage that doctors would have been forced to remove his *****.

This is a bad date that Xian will never forget.

Speaking of bad dates:
In honor of my new long-haired sweetie, and the fact my tooth fell out on our first date.

From wqnawacko: "One of my first dates after my divorce.

"On the urging of friends, I tried the personals column in our local "alternative" paper. One of the few replies described herself as "Svelte, Educated, and Stylish." We agreed to meet for drinks at my favorite club. What was waiting for me was at least 200 pounds overweight, didn't know the name of the current vice-president, and clearly hadn't bathed in a day or two. And in front of my friends, she asked if I wanted to hear her "Rape Whistle." I bought her a drink nonetheless, told her as politely as possible that we didn't have much in common ... and I couldn't go back in the bar for a few weeks, until the hazing had run its course.

From Jerry: "On my first date, I drove my mom's car to pick up the girl. While meeting her family, her dad pointed out that I had a flat tire. In an effort to show my manly knowledge, I pulled out the spare and jacked up the car. Since I was nervous, I had forgotten to set the emergency brake so the car immediately rolled backwards a foot and trapped the jack under the car. When I bent down to look at it, my pants ripped at the seam. Her dad ended up changing the tire while I sat in the bathroom in my underwear so her mom could sew up my pants. I'd tell you how things went from there, but I can't remember anything else about the evening.

Copyright 2009 -- Be safe!
Forward this newsletter to friends.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]