Jump Without Looking

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Dance like nobody’s watching.

I’m not that fearless. SOMEONE is *always* watching. And with my kids, I have to put up a front. Though I think my son sees right through it.

I’m trying not to be hypocritical, two-faced, nor deceitful, it’s just that different parts of me have different needs and different ways of expressing themselves and they don’t ever hardly mesh. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense huh? No, I’m not MPD. If I was, this would probably make more sense.

See, I grew up too fast. I made some bad decisions, and tried to take responsibility for them, and I have a talent for fouling things up. And dragging other people into it.

Now that I am in my 30s I am having trouble NOT acting like a teenager. I was *always* the responsible one. Always had someone looking up to me … hrm, this post is diverging from where I wanted it to go ….

Do you ever jump without looking? Take a plunge and damn (or forget to take into consideration) the consequences till they are staring you right in the face? Makes for a chaotic life, right?  Right now, all the different “me’s” are fighting for dominance. The mom, the adventurer, the crazy girl, and the kid who never got to be a kid. On top of driving myself crazy, the Universe is trying to tell me something. And I’m one of those people that God needs to hit over the head with a baseball bat to get the message across.

All this to say … I’m really confused right now and I think I just jumped again.