Jump Without Looking

Dance like nobody’s watching.

I’m not that fearless. SOMEONE is *always* watching. And with my kids, I have to put up a front. Though I think my son sees right through it.

I’m trying not to be hypocritical, two-faced, nor deceitful, it’s just that different parts of me have different needs and different ways of expressing themselves and they don’t ever hardly mesh. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense huh? No, I’m not MPD. If I was, this would probably make more sense.

See, I grew up too fast. I made some bad decisions, and tried to take responsibility for them, and I have a talent for fouling things up. And dragging other people into it.

Now that I am in my 30s I am having trouble NOT acting like a teenager. I was *always* the responsible one. Always had someone looking up to me … hrm, this post is diverging from where I wanted it to go ….

Do you ever jump without looking? Take a plunge and damn (or forget to take into consideration) the consequences till they are staring you right in the face? Makes for a chaotic life, right?  Right now, all the different “me’s” are fighting for dominance. The mom, the adventurer, the crazy girl, and the kid who never got to be a kid. On top of driving myself crazy, the Universe is trying to tell me something. And I’m one of those people that God needs to hit over the head with a baseball bat to get the message across.

All this to say … I’m really confused right now and I think I just jumped again.

2 comments family, life

Do Not Cross 28/365

An announcement was made over the P.A. system stating that there had been an accident at Del Amo station and both north- and southbound trains had to share a track (delays, delays, delays).

By the time my northbound train reached Del Amo, nothing remained of the accident except a few sherrifs and yellow crime tape.

I wonder what the accident was to warrant the use of crime tape ...

sent using a G1

Update:
LA Times reports:

11:38 AM, January 28, 2009

Authorities are investigating the death of a man who was killed this morning when he fell from the platform of a Metro station near Carson and was hit by a train.

The unidentified man fell between two cars of the southbound Blue Line and was run over about 9 a.m., when the train left the Del Amo Station for Long Beach, said Dave Sotero, a spokesman for the Metropolitan Transportation Authority.

A person standing on the platform alerted the conductor of a northbound Blue Line train, which had just arrived at the station, that someone had been run over, according to an MTA official at the scene. The southbound train that hit the man continued to Long Beach without the conductor realizing what had happened, officials said.

After the incident, the man's body was covered with a white sheet, and blood had splattered on the side of the platform. Deputies from the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department taped off a portion of the platform as they waited for members of the coroner's office to investigate and remove the body.

3 comments breaking news, moblogging, travel

Even more about me

I was one of the lucky first five to write a comment on Mariah's interview post. So here goes:


MH:1) If you were cremated where would you like to have your ashes spread?

AH:Across the Pacific. Trite, I know, but I do so love the ocean. My favorite place is Sunset Cliffs in San Diego, so I would want them spread from there.

From Laguna Beach

MH: 2)What fashioned trend did you follow that was cool THEN but now looks ridiculous?

AH: Scrunchy socks and pegged jeans. With Keds.'Nuff said.

MH: 3) What would you try if you had no fear?

AH: Swimming. Every time I go swimming I end up practically drowining. I sink like a rock, so I never venture past the 5 foot mark in a pool. I have encouraged both of my kids to learn how to swim though.

From Vegas2007

MH: 4)What one question would you ask a psychic about the future?

AH: Will I ever have peace in my life? Before I die of course.

MH: 5) What's your proudest accomplishment?

AH: My kids. As much as I complain about them, I get compliments from other adults about them, so I must be doing something right. They better be worth all the sacrifices!



Here are the directions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me." If you dare.
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the
questions).
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview
someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. (I get to choose the questions.)

6 comments interview, Keds, memes, Pacific Ocean, San Diego, Swimming

Rain drops keep falling on my head 23/365

Rain drops keep falling on my head 23/365, originally uploaded by Nannerlady.

So, the song goes "It never rains in Southern California ...". yeah, not today.

If anyone saw me, they probably thought I was nuts to go outside to take a picture.

I don't have the camera with me that I want, so you are treated to another photo from my G1. And since it was cold and wet, I didn't try too hard on the composition. I might try something a little later.

1 comment G1, photoblogging, photography, Project 365, Rain, Southern California

Thursday 13

A mixed bag

1. I've been served an eviction notice, this is a new experience for me. My landlord returned my check, so it wasn't for non-payment, exactly.
2. I haven't had a panic attack yet over the situation. This is a good thing.
3. My son seems ok, then again, his life has been nothing but turmoil since we moved back to CA. No wonder he wants to move back to OR.
4. My kids are suburbanites.
5. I can only seem to get decent jobs in CA, but can't seem to afford it still.
6. I like prunes, but my son is the one who needs them.
7. I should get up at 6 more often, it's 930 and I'm tired.
8. How do people do this week after week? I'm losing creativity.
9. My daughter really loves the dogs. If I don't find an affordable place to live the dogs will need a new home.
10. I still have a job.
11. But I'm a contractor.
12. Hrm, not funny at all. This is what happens when I try to blog when tired.
13. Joy has arrived just in time for bed. I'm trying to remember to "count it all joy" through this time of trouble.

And just for @hennartonline ... I still have my mind, though it's rapidly trying to get away from me =)

sent using a G1

6 comments anxiety, Eviction, health, Landlord, Mental Health, Panic, Panic attack, Prune

I <3 faces Kids - Week 2

2 comments contest, kids, photography

I <3 Faces Photo Contest - Adult

1 comment adults, contest, photography

How to make a ponytail 17/365

How to make a ponytail 17/365, originally uploaded by Nannerlady.

My daughter modeled for me. I decided to go a quick collage on how she makes her ponytails.

3 comments

Are rebounds a good thing?

We all know that everyone has a different take on this question. I think generally the answer is no. I’m finding out for myself that the answer might be yes.

For clarification, what’s a rebound? And I’m not talking basketball here. I wish I was. Divorce Support defines a rebound as:

A rebound relationship is one that occurs shortly after the break-up of a significant love relationship. If you are in a relationship but have distanced yourself emotionally from your relationship partner, you may begin a rebound relationship before you even leave the relationship you are in. If you move quickly from a long lasting relationship into another relationship then you are probably in a “rebound relationship."

-- About.com: Divorce Support

I have had more than my share of rebounds recently (by the above definition). I've had a year-long break from a "long lasting relationship" and suddenly find myself willing to date again. Even a few days ago this was not the case, so it's somewhat of a revelation. I think it has a lot to do with the type and personality of the person bringing me out of my shell. I'm nervous, and giddy, and happy, and confident (most of the time). But I feel emotionally healthy about it, and that was missing from some of my other "rebounds". I hope this remains a good thing.

Leave a Comment Divorce, life, Relationships, Support Groups

Lonely 16/365

@jnassi and I had the same idea about the same time, but he voiced it. So thanks! This one is dedicated to you. Now get out of my bedroom!

4 comments lonely, photography, Project 365

6 Steps To Better Blogging - Lessons From The Pooh

I found this fascinating quote today:

Given that the happiness and feelings of his friends are Pooh’s chief concern (other than hunny, that is), he’d likely build a strong community as a blogger. Here are six social media lessons we can all learn from the lovable bear who’s stuffed with fluff.6 Steps To Better Blogging - Lessons From The Pooh, Jan 2009

I like the way this was written, and the more I seem to be getting dragged into social media and interacting on the web, I may have to take this advice seriously.

1 comment blogging, Community, reblog, writing

Pretty Baubles 14/365

Pretty Baubles 14/365, originally uploaded by Nannerlady.

I bought these earrings and a few other baubles from @loveheylola on twitter. You should check out her Etsy Shop if you like vintage costume jewelry. These were pretty much custom made as I asked for peridot and sterling silver or stainless steel hooks (I'm allergic to anything not a pure metal and definitely nickel).

I love them!

Leave a Comment

Chocolate 13/365

tags: "project 365"

Once upon a time a bet was made that I couldn't go a week -- that's 7 days people -- without chocolate. I only made it to 3.

3 comments chocolate, photoblogging, photography, Project 365

Another gorgeous SoCal day 12/365

Another gorgeous SoCal day 12/365, originally uploaded by Nannerlady.

Another gorgeous SoCal day 12/365

Yes, it looks like it came out of a movie, but we have had some amazing
weather this past weekend. I really wanted to ditch work, grab my camera, and hit the beach. Ah well, here's to Monday.

4 comments

Mouth Watering Monday Recipe Exchange: Pan Seared Tilapia with Mexican Rice and Black bean Salsa

(photo courtesy of urlgirl)

This is actually a quick meal to make. The longest part is making the Mexican rice, so you may want to do that first. Actually, make the salsa first so it can chill unless you don't mind room temperature salsa ... and now onto the food!

Fish:
Pan-sear in virgin olive oil with lemon or orange juice cilantro and a few other seasonings. Whatever you have on hand will do.

Rice:
You can either use Zatarain’s mix or …
Sautee 1 cup rice in butter or oil with some chopped onion until a light brown. Add one can diced tomatoes with juices, and 1 cup chicken broth. Cook for 20 minutes or until all the water is absorbed.

Black Bean Salsa:
1 15 oz. can black beans, rinsed and drained
1 11 oz. can whole kernel corn, drained
1 t minced fresh jalpeno pepper
1 avacado, chopped
2 medium tomatoes, chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped
1/3 c. chopped fresh cilantro (or subst. 1 t dried cilantro)
1/4 c. diced red onion
1/4 c. fresh lime juice (about 2 limes, squeezed)
1 t. salt
tortilla chips for dipping

Combine all ingredients except avacado and chips. Cover and chill for at least two hours. Add avacado just before serving. Serve with chips.

3 comments memes, Mouthwatering Monday, recipes

Smile Today!

Valentine In The Morning:
"LEO

Smile today! When you greet the world with a bright smile, you inspire confidence."

With the weather we are having, no problem! And a few others agree. So smile, no matter your sign. It's contagious.

3 comments Horoscope

Today is full of good ... (11/365)

prospects.

Today was an awesome day. Or at least it has been so far. I met with some friends, made a few new ones too, and we walked around Belmont Shores in Long Beach. The weather was STUNNING and the company stellar.

I hope we can do it again soon.
sent using a G1

1 comment friends, photoblogging, photography, Project 365, tweetup, twitter

Photo Friday: White

I'm plagerizing myself for Photo Friday, though I did crop the pic and add a watermark.

you can see the original here:

picture this: winter: Lunar Landscape aka Hell Froze Over: "Lunar Landscape aka Hell Froze Over
This is just south of Las Vegas, NV. It snowed there a few weeks ago, making everything remind me of a lunar landscape."

5 comments photo friday

Makeshift Trampoline 6/365

tags: "Project 365"

Why do kids always think their parents beds are perfect for trampolines?

5 comments Joy, Project 365

Blogging Momma: A Great Loss

Blogging Momma: A Great Loss: "Now imagine grieving while caring for your daughters, helping them understand where their brother went when in reality you don't understand yourself. Trying to stay positive and supportive yet your heart is breaking at the same time. Do you think that is enough to deal with? What if you didn't have funeral expense money saved? You never expected to suffer a loss so great... Now during the roughest time in your life you have a funeral expense hanging over your head to figure out how to pay. Trying to build up the strength and the courage to ask for help would seem overwhelming."

Please read the full story at: Blogging Momma. She also includes a link to Keaton's obit and how to contribute at any Wells Fargo by mentioning Keaton's name. I don't believe this is a stunt, as DJane posted it on behalf of her friend.

1 comment

Today’s Post brought to you by the letter “K”

Joanna at Now With Baby assigned me the Letter K to think of a few of my favorite things. She did hers back in December, assigned me “K” before Christmas and well, I am just now getting to it.

The rule of the school is this: make a list of your top 10 favorite things! The catch is that all of your favorites have to begin with the letter that is assigned to you by... the blogger from whom you caught the favorite bug! If you want to play, just leave a comment and I'll assign you a letter!

1. Kiwi – LOVE kiwis, the fruit and the people, especially author Phillipa Ballantine. Have you read Chasing the Bard or Digital Magic yet?
   
2. kumquat – It’s a cool sounding word, and another fruit, though I haven’t had the pleasure of eating one yet.
3. Kabobs/Kebobs – Another food I love to eat and make.
4. kaffeeklatsch – coffee and gossip, or just some meaningful woman-to-woman time.
5. Kahlua has got to be my all-time favorite liqueur. It goes well with coffee, milk, cream, vodka, and a few others.
6. Kangaroos – wish I could box like one.
7. Kansas City BBQ – well, the spices that make it. I can make some yummy Sloppy Joe's with those spices.
8. karaoke – c’mon! You know you like it too! At least to watch others even if you don’t get up and sing. It is a fun group activity.
9. Karats – as in 14K, 18K and 24K, preferably in earrings or bracelets =)
10. Keepers – all of my friends. You’re all keepers.

And I will admit, I had to use the dictionary because after kiwi and kumquat, I drew a blank. And after looking over this list, I apparently really like foods that start with “K”, otherwise it’s just not a letter that starts a lot of everyday words.

Who’s next?

Leave a Comment memes

Working from Home 5/365

Armed with nothing but my G1 I continue my quest to do Project 365. I need a new charger for my d80 and a new LCD screen for my Coolpix L18.
Photography has always been a passion for me, why are the fates deciding *now* to conspire against me?

I choose this picture because I was working from home and needed some chocolate and tea to get me through the afternoon.

4 comments Project 365, work

Time's A' Wastin' 4/365

You know, taking a decent photo a day gets hard when none of your cameras work. This was taken with my L18 with the cracked screen. I had to take it three times and I'm still not quite happy with the result, but c'est la vie. School starts tomorrow for the kids and I have other things to get to.

Today, like many other days, time got away from me. Tends to happen between insomnia and mild depression/ennui/lack of desire to participate in life.

Time gets away from me a lot. I'm either not interested in participating in something, or I get distracted from being on task, or I get completely absorbed in something. There is no middle ground nor balance it seems. Time Management does not exist in my personal vocabulary, though not for lack of trying.

I'm going to try again this year. I'm going to put some actual, cognitive, focused effort into paying attention to my time and not letting it get away from me, for any reason.

2 comments balancing time, Project 365

I'm gonna get you, Auntie Nette! 3/365

My sister is moving cross-country to Oklahoma this week. This was the last weekend that I get to see her and my nieces. And of course my camera died, because like a dweeb I forgot to charge the battery, but not before I got this shot of Loren coming at me with her mom's practice sword.

And yes, her eyes really are that blue.

I'm going to miss my sister, a LOT. We were just getting to know each other. It's scary how much we have in common even though I was never around to influence her. I guess that's a good thing considering how my brothers turned out. We both love chocolate, Backstreet Boys (her more than me), coffee, and our daughters get along really well. We're both lousy housekeepers, yet extremely creative. We're both awesome cooks.

I was truly hoping that the girls would grow up together. Instead, my hope is that everything my sister is hoping to accomplish through this moves comes true.

2 comments family, moving, Project 365

Photo Friday: Disorder

5 comments photo friday

Happy New Year

First picture in Project 365. I am determined to do it this year.

As much as I complain about my life, my kids are my life-blood and my reason for getting up every day. Looking back, there have been many times when I wanted to give up and throw in the towel. But who would take care of my son, and now my daughter?

 

Some of my readers have known me since well before Josh was born, were there to visit me in the hospital when he was born, and have been there to support the both of us through some very hard times.

 

Take a look at the gorgeous young man with the smart mouth who makes getting up in the morning worth it. Most days anyway.

Leave a Comment Josh, Project 365