Some Humor for this week
Fireman Sex
A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets,BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go."From now on when I say BELL 1 I want you to strip naked.
When I say BELL 2 I want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL 3 we are going to make love all night. The next night he came home from work and yelled "BELL 1!"
The wife promptly took all her clothes off.
When he yelled "BELL 2!" the wife jumped into bed.
When he yelled "BELL 3!" they began making love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled "BELL 4!"
"What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband?
"ROLL OUT MORE HOSE," she replied "YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE."
75th Wedding Anniversary
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of their town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple.
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The husband replied, "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon. We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by mule. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the mule and quietly said, "That's once. We proceeded a little farther and the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice. 'We hadn't gone a half mile when the mule stumbled for the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the mule dead.
I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, woman? Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? Are you crazy?????? She looked at me and quietly said, "That's once."And from that moment .. we have lived happily ever after.
A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets,BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go."From now on when I say BELL 1 I want you to strip naked.
When I say BELL 2 I want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL 3 we are going to make love all night. The next night he came home from work and yelled "BELL 1!"
The wife promptly took all her clothes off.
When he yelled "BELL 2!" the wife jumped into bed.
When he yelled "BELL 3!" they began making love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled "BELL 4!"
"What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband?
"ROLL OUT MORE HOSE," she replied "YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE."
75th Wedding Anniversary
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of their town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple.
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The husband replied, "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon. We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by mule. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the mule and quietly said, "That's once. We proceeded a little farther and the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice. 'We hadn't gone a half mile when the mule stumbled for the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the mule dead.
I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, woman? Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? Are you crazy?????? She looked at me and quietly said, "That's once."And from that moment .. we have lived happily ever after.
"If Oil Prices increase Further......."
Give us a sense of humor, Lord,
Give us the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
You're An EXTREME Redneck When....
1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15.. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk
THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY
After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative, said the doctor, is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me," said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"
( you'll love this...)
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Georgia, Mississippi, Missouri, Florida, West Virginia, Washington DC, and Mt. Gilead NC
Give us a sense of humor, Lord,
Give us the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
You're An EXTREME Redneck When....
1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15.. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk
THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY
After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative, said the doctor, is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me," said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"
( you'll love this...)
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Georgia, Mississippi, Missouri, Florida, West Virginia, Washington DC, and Mt. Gilead NC
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