Fear of rejection

It's August 8, 2006. It's been nearly a month since I was fired and I still don't know what to do with myself. I think I have been so lax about job-hunting because I hate the rejection -- the prospect of rejection. I hate applying, applying, applying, filling out applications, tweaking my resume, looking for a job, hoping someone will call. ...

I can't decide if I want an admin job (the pay is better) or to continue in childcare (it's easy for me and I generally enjoy it). I also find myself liking being at home, so long as Joy is at daycare :) *I* need her to be in school. But, enough of rest (and vegging in front of the idiot box). It's not really helping me since I tend to stress out about the fact that I *need* to work -- to help the family and I need to do something fulfilling for myself. I'm almost grown up (7 more days) and I still don't know what I want to do. I certainly am not where I thought I would be at this time of life. I am so ready to wallow in self-pity, while on the other hand, I know that I need to get off my butt and get a move on finding a job. If I stay at home I think I might go nuts. I hate cleaning all day, and honestly, other than tweaking my blog and watching TV, that's all I do.

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