Unrighteous Anger
I’m mad. I’m mad. I’m Mad. I’M MAD!!!!!!!! And for probably all the wrong reasons. I want to throw a temper tantrum. One of my … I guess you could call it a comfort, is being taken away, and I suppose for good reason, but still I’ M MAD!!!
Not the way I want to start the day, and it was the way the night ended too. And I know that you are not supposed to go to bed mad at one another (Ephesians 4:26), but I don’t think I have the humor of Gayle Erwin in this one. For those of you who have never heard Gayle speak, he once told a story of he and his wife having an argument – and they didn’t sleep for two weeks. I don’t feel like having much of a sense of humor right now. I feel like giving the whole world a black look and telling everyone to “bugger off!” and I work in customer service. I suppose I need to get a grip before I go to work. Is it right for a 30-yr-old woman to throw a temper tantrum that would rival anything her 3 yr-old could produce? The image would be funny if it weren’t so sad, as in pathetic.
Any good advice would be appreciated. Anyone trying to tell me to grow up can well, bugger off! I already know that.
Not the way I want to start the day, and it was the way the night ended too. And I know that you are not supposed to go to bed mad at one another (Ephesians 4:26), but I don’t think I have the humor of Gayle Erwin in this one. For those of you who have never heard Gayle speak, he once told a story of he and his wife having an argument – and they didn’t sleep for two weeks. I don’t feel like having much of a sense of humor right now. I feel like giving the whole world a black look and telling everyone to “bugger off!” and I work in customer service. I suppose I need to get a grip before I go to work. Is it right for a 30-yr-old woman to throw a temper tantrum that would rival anything her 3 yr-old could produce? The image would be funny if it weren’t so sad, as in pathetic.
Any good advice would be appreciated. Anyone trying to tell me to grow up can well, bugger off! I already know that.
take a word of advice from mr rogers and try hitting a pillow as hard as you can. i scream into it too sometimes. i won't tell you to grow up, cause i think there is nothing in the moment that will make us stop except the lord. but i will be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteoh by the way, josh left his candy and bible at youth group. stuart smith has it and said he's bring it sunday.
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Father,
ReplyDeleteYou alone can heal in these difficult times. Please do what you do best and help in this situation. In Jesus name I pray...Amen.
Hang in there.
thanks girl.
ReplyDeleteI think I will try the pillow. it's better than some of the alternatives that were running through my head. It's funny (weird, disturbing funny) that when I get this mad I get self-destructive, so I try not to get mad. But then something comes along and totally blows my cool.
*sigh* oh well
Time to make a meatloaf so the troops have something to eat tonight. Maybe I can vent on the ground turkey. =)
Thanks for the prayer Bill, it is greatly appreciated. I thank God for my friends and the prayer warriors I am lucky enough to know.
ReplyDeleteJust remember that you are not alone in these kind of circumstances. The Lord will get you through these times if you will allow him to...and I am sure you will.
ReplyDeleteAgain, hang in there and allow the Lord to work through all these emotions that you are experiencing.
I'll try, but I am awfully stubborn, and willful, which got me to this place to begin with. And I hate admitting that I am wrong and do so grudgingly, instead of graciously.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what's worse: knowing my faults and not doing anything to correct them, or feinging ignorance so I don't have to deal with them.
You spend time complaining about your situation, but time and again explain how you are skirting the issues that led you here in the first place. Feigning ignorance is the more horrible offense. Not dealing with your issues hurts not just you, but those around you as well.
ReplyDeleteIs a vent the same as complaining?
ReplyDeleteI am aware of my shortcomings (some of them anyway), I just don't know how to fix them ... or deal successfully with them.
In this case, I'm mad and I know it's my own darn fault, so I am mad at the situation as well as myself. I'm mad about a whole lot of things lately and they are starting to boil over, get mixed together and I am just trying not to go into a rage. It's a very fine line to walk, to let some out so that the whole doesn't explode.
I like to sort through things, sometimes quite slowly, to see if I have the right and wrong of it ... to see if I am right, or justified, or whatever. One of these days I may be able to laugh, or just smile about this. Likely as not, but I hope some good comes of it.
And with that said, I get to be back at work n 7 hours, so good night all.
Yeah, I'm afraid so. A vent is the same as a complaint. Personally, I think you're like me and only when you see the true consequences of your actions will you KNOW you were wrong.
ReplyDeleteAs I've said before, I hope it doesn't come to that - but if you keep acting as you are, who's to say?
See, the thing is - you still don't believe it's real. It won't become real until you have to taste it and hurt. If you honestly believed... you'd be afraid.
Cheese
I don't know. Because of some of the things I have done and put myself through, and you know some of them, I have lost a lot of my heart. My ability to feel. Some days I do feel things deeply, and KNOW, and other days ... it's like I have no heart at all.
ReplyDeleteOh, and we are dealing with the issues with guidance, it's just that sometimes I have no idea where the guidance is leading. Hoping there's a goal or something. Well, I know what one goal is, I guess I should get clarification on if there are any others. Me sleepy, more later. One more post to write.
You can know this for sure. You are not alone in what you are struggling with. There are many others who have the smae struggles. And I understand the whole thing about losing a part of your heart and not being able to feel anymore. I know that all too well. But there is hope.
ReplyDeleteEze 11:19 And I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and will give them an heart of flesh:
Eze 36:26 A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.
Just keep pursung the Lord Annette. Do as Paul did, forget what is behind and press on for what lies ahead. And know that you have support; all you need to do is ask for it.