Imagery

I have an image that I just need to get out of my head. It's been in there for weeks. Some wonder why repentance is so hard for me. I wish I could draw this, but words will have to suffice.

Imagine a heart and brain so encrusted with dirt, scabs, crap, oozing pus, scabs growing all over the place, mud caked on, cement in some places, and any other sort of gross thing you can imagine. You only know that they are a heart and mind because that's what you have been told. They barely retain their true shape, more blobs than anything else. Enclosed in bulletproof glass. Now imagine that you have been told to clean them. And you can't use anything as caustic as bleach or lye, though those would do the trick in a pinch. No, you have to use elbow grease and loving care to scrub the crap off, sometimes picking at it with your hands and nails. You just want to find that one crack, which if tapped with just the right pressure, will make all the crap fall off and the heart underneath become completely clean.

That's my heart and brain. All I wish is that they could be taken out of me, scrubbed clean, and put back in, good as new, better than new. I know that Christ can wash me clean as snow, but that glass wall needs to be broken too. How to get around that?


More later, I have a doctor's appt. and Joy is either entertaining herself or still blissfully asleep. We had a late night last night.


AGH!!!!!! No Trillian!!!! Who's on???? I haven't been this cut off EVER!!!!!!.