A public declaration of love
So, I also have a LiveJournal, and my friend has a LJ that Tim reads on a fairly regular basis, and she posted something and this is Tim's response [posted with his ok]
As the "said hubby", I wanted to add my two cents, with your kind permission. I have shared this with my wife, and she has given her OK for me to post this reply to your LJ.
You wrote "I'm mad at the world for training her husband up....". It's not the world's fault. If you want to be mad, be mad at me. You have every right to be and take me to task (I could go as far as to argue that you have a responsibility as a sister in Christ [I can't find the reference for it...I was thinking James 5:19-20, but I don't think thats the one I'm looking for]). I knew what my wife needed and wanted, and I did not give it to her. We fell into a rut - she wasn't getting what she needed/wanted, I wasn't getting what I needed/wanted, so neither of us were willing to bend to serve the other. I am called to be the leader of my house, and as a leader it is incumbent upon me to go the extra mile, and the extra mile after that, every time. The world didn't make me ignore her needs. I chose to take the childish, selfish road, and pulled away from my wife, pushing her away while inside desparately wanting her closer. If Christ reacted to us the way I did to my wife, I shudder to think the state we would be in.
I completely and utterly failed my wife, and in doing so left a door open that should not have been. I did not protect her. The single most important person in my life. She is the only permanent person/thing I have in this world - everything else (friends, kids, church, hobbies, job, whatever) is transient. They enter my life and leave. Sometimes they come back, sometimes they don't. I have the blessing of someone who loves me and will stand by me, and when the going got rough I did not stand by her. I realize that now, and am striving to make amends, but I don't know if I can ever atone for my desertion.
An incredible hurt has occured (and yes, it does hurt, in ways I have yet to fully recognize or feel). It should not have happened, but I left the door open. God wants to bless us, and will do so even when we're messing up. I realize now, in a way that I never did before, that blessings can be lost, even through inaction.
I do believe we will survive this, and come out stronger. We are both committed to making this work. It is incredibly sad that it took something like this to bring it to light (Ironically, I had already admitted to myself that I needed to change, before I found out what had happened. Day late and a dollar short, I'm afraid...which is not unusual for me).
Well, this turned out to be much longer than I had anticipated. I should wrap it up and get back to work :) I did want to add one final thing, if I may. I wanted to thank you for your friendship and emotional and spiritual support of my wife. Your friendship means so very much to her. You're a true blessing in a world crying out for many more. Thank you.