This is the first night that I have left my baby with someone else. I haven't even let other people babysit her ... the longest was at church, and that wasn't more than 45 minutes in the nursery and she slept the whole time.

Joy is one month old ... 5 weeks tomorrow. She's staying with my brother and soon to be sister-in-law. Big brother Josh is staying too ... Tim and I haven't had any couple time since December so we jumped at the chance to swap overnight babysitting with them. I don't know how people who have kids 10 months apart do it. We had trouble getting everyone into my car. Two car seats and Josh in the middle ... it only underscored Tim's opinion that two kids is enough and mine that I need a bigger car.

As we were leaving to have our date Joy looked right at me. She wasn't trying to eat Erin's arm as nursing baby's tend to be doing when they turn their heads ... she was looking right at me. It was like she knew I was leaving. Part of me didn't want to leave her at all. Maybe I am being reminded of all the times I left Josh when he was a baby to go back to UCSD. Such trusting eyes, and then you don't come back and then .... well, guilt trip in the extreme. I'll see her tomorrow morning/early afternoon and I know she's fine. We've watched Maykayla plenty of times, but I still feel a little worried ... she's so little.

I guess I need to fully enjoy this private quiet time with my husband. Who knows when we'll get another night without the kids.