April 27, 2002
Something that came up while reading email

Illegitimis non carborundum.

"Yes, this means "Don't let the bastards grind you down", but it
is not real Latin; it is a pseudo-Latin joke.

"Carborundum" is a trademark for a very hard substance composed
of silicon carbide, used in grinding. (The name "Carborundum" is a
blend of "carbon" and "corundum". "Corundum" denotes aluminium
oxide, and comes to English from Tamil kuruntam; it is related to
Sanskrit kuruvinda = "ruby".) "The "-ndum" ending suggests the
Latin gerundive, which is used to express desirability of the
activity denoted by the verb, as in Nil desperandum = "nothing to
be despaired of"; addendum = "(thing) fit to be added";
corrigendum = "(thing) fit to be corrected"; and the name Amanda,
from amanda = "fit to be loved").

Illegitimis is the dative plural of illegitimus =
"illegitimate"; the gerundive in Latin correctly takes the dative to
denote the agent. Illegitimus could conceivably mean "bastard" in
Latin, but was not the usual word for it: Follett World-Wide Latin
Dictionary (Follett, 1967) gives nothus homo for bastard of known
father, and spurius for bastard of unknown father.

The phrase seems to have originated with British army
intelligence early in World War II. It was popularized when U.S.
general Joseph W. "Vinegar Joe" Stilwell (1883-1946) adopted it as
his motto. Various variant forms are in circulation."
April 24, 2002
On Monday I sent out this email to friends and family:

No, this isn't the birth announcement .. :) I wish. If my darling daughter (once again confirmed today it's a girl much to Josh's disappointment) doesn't make an appearance soon, I'm scheduled to be induced anytime after 12:01 a.m. on Friday, April 26th, 2002. Maybe she'll put in an appearance before then ......

My mother was the first one called that night after I had delivered. She informed me via email that I am reading today that I was wrong. The above might as well be the birth announcement.

And did you know that getting a head 13cm around out is *painful*?

photos of Joy Gabrielle: http://www.photoaccess.com/share/guest.jsp?ID=A1DC6F236B7&cb=PA
April 18, 2002
Another long night of unfruitful contractions. They started just after dinner (close to 9 p.m., late dinner) and lasted till about midnight when it was safe to declare that there was no point in going to the hospital since they were decreasing in strength and frequency.

Poor Josh, he was really disappointed. He asked if he could sleep in clothes just in case (at 10 p.m.). We said yes because at the rate I was crushing Tim's hand it looked like we would be going around 11. By 10:30 they had subsided and I got a break. Then they started up again for about 20 minutes around 11 and then quit. A few more good ones right before midnight ... and then .... nothing. Lots of little "watch my stomach turn into a mountain and then a hill" type contractions (Braxton-Hicks, just a tightening of the uterus) but none of the painful "Let's get this baby out of here tonight" type contractions. I was actually a little disappointed too. I'm tired of this teasing.

Josh fell asleep around midnight complaining about how he wanted to go to the hospital (he wants to meet his sibling soon) and Tim and I watched the Cosby Show on Nick at Nite before going to sleep. We were both too tired to try any of the natural ways of inducing. Maybe I can wake him up that way, he's still asleep.

My doc says I can try sex, breast stimulation and castor oil. I know castor oil works because I used it with Josh. But Tim would rather try the more pleasant ways of induction first.

If Joy hasn't shown up by Monday I'll be monitored for a bit and then induced sometime next week.
April 17, 2002
I was potentially complaining to my mother (potentially, because I didn't mean it as a complaint, just an observation) .... about my husband and realized that I probably have a breadwinner complex. I want to contribute (financially) to the family and feel that I am sucking us dry rather than giving anything substantial to the household.

I mean, I don't even properly run the house. He does quite a bit of the housework, pays the bills, keeps track of things ... he makes a much better housewife than I do. Is there something wrong with this picture? All I do is make dinner, and sometimes not even that. *sigh* I don't think I was cut out to be a stay at home parent.
April 15, 2002
Just got back from yet another appointment. No baby in sight. Dialated .... a whole 1/2 centimeter. Whoopee (can you tell that I am tired of being pregnant). That makes me 1.5 cm dialted, Maybe 2. And I have a cold. I need drugs, and sleep. And to revise our birth plan.

I want to go into my appt. tomorrow and have them tell me that I have miraculously dilated to 5 cm and that they need to admit me to the hospital right away. But, since I'm not having proper contractions it won't happen. I can dream can't I?
April 14, 2002
Tim posted this to the Tun, a group of friends of his (eventually he may even start posting on his own here, I mean I gave him permission and everything) =). The links are mine (because I was bored)):

Hi gang -

Well, this afternoon we went to the hospital for a nice little 2 hour stay. Annette was having regular contractions, but not enough to admit her yet. They were/are causing quite a bit of back pain for her.

After an hour of being on this funky contraction monitoring device and watching the peaks and valleys of her contractions, they had her walk around for nearly an hour.

During the walk, I discovered that my wife is part-Vulcan...at least if the nerve pinches to my shoulder she gave me are any indication :) I volunteered to become the organic contraction monitor, telling the nurse that I could save us money by simply telling them how intense and how long her contractions were by how hard and how long she grabbed onto me, but they wouldn't go for that. I did get a nice shoulder/back massage out of the deal though :)

So there we are, walking around the maternity ward, Annette grabbing and kneading my shoulders...and she starts comparing the various open birthing rooms by size, view and proximity to the jaccuzi! :) Amazing what odd things go through the human mind at the strangest times. At one point we walked by a room that had the door closed....from the screams inside the room I think they were holding a 21st-Century Spanish Inquisition....it sure didn't sound like fun.

So here I am, awake when I should be asleep, enjoying what will surely be one of my very few remaining opportunities to sleep through the night undisturbed for the next 6 months to 1 year (or longer). Annette says I get the midnight and 2 AM feedings...I've repeatedly pointed out to her that I'm not *equipped* to feed a baby (can't get blood out of a turnip and you can't get milk out of a male nipple), but she merely responds with "That's what bottles are for". At one point I asked her "Well, how does the bottle get filled?", thinking that I had found a sure way out...

Alas, she mentioned this thing called a breast pump...which, in my baby-knowledge-naivety I had never heard of many moons ago. I told her I didn't care what technology she had, she was still not going to be able to get milk out of me. :) She found that rather funny, and then crushed my last bastion of hope by explaining that a breast pump was for the *woman*, not the man.

All this and I have to change poopy diapers too? Speaking of which, did you all know that it actually matters which *side* faces which way on a diaper? And they're not one-size-fits-all either.


Who thinks he'll go to bed now, and really hopes that somewhere between the baby popping out and the placenta popping out an owner's manual will pop out too :) Though with my luck it'll be written by Microsoft.....

P.S. Everybody keeps asking me if I'm ready....isn't it a little late to ask me that question? :)

P.P.S. After our unplanned tour of the Spanish Inquisition Dungeon...err, maternity ward, I think they should stick up a big sign at the entrance that says "Kids, don't try this at home!"

P.P.P.S. (or is that P.S.P.S.?) I'm very glad I'm a guy right now :)
April 13, 2002
I have the most loving and caring son in the world today (yes, this is the same one that usually drives me crazy). He brought me breakfast in bed this morning. Eggs, donuts and a glass of milk. Even remembered to put the salt and pepper shakers on the tray.

And all he wants in return is a little snuggle time. That's a great deal I think. Now to get off my bum, sitting for too long seems to start contractions these days.
Well, we already knew that having a baby was gross and undignified. It was confirmed again last night. After hours of unsuccessful (I'm not dilating dammit!!!!) labor we went home. Tim confined me to the bedroom since the nurse had told me to go home and rest.

Stop reading right now if you are easily grossed out!

So .... doing that emptying the bladder thing and the mucus plug plops out of me! I heard this plop and knew I hadn't done #2 ... and there's this *thing* that resembles a small cork. It wasn't bloody or anything .... but hopefully that means *real* contractions will start soon. I've been dilated to one centimeter for 3 weeks now! Ready to get a move on. Our fear for this week is that our darling daughter will decide to come when I am in class on the East side of Portland. We live on the west side (side being determined by the Willamette River) and our hospital is over here too. Though I could probably go to any hospital in the Providence system.

Ah well, time to get in a few more Saturday morning cartoons. X-men Evolution should be starting soon.
April 12, 2002
The White Stuff

New word for the day Potemkin . I couldn't find a satisfactory meaning at the Miriam Webster site ... anyone else have any ideas?
Contractions *SUCK*!!!!! when they don't go anywhere.

I suppose I could get up and walk around to see if this is the real thing or not.....
I can't sleep. I have been awake for over an hour trying to get back to sleep, which is really bad, because I didn't go to bed till 1 and fell asleep sometimes between 1:30 and 2 a.m.

I managed to get through this pregnancy without getting sick from Tim or Josh, and I wake up this morning (noticed last night a runny nose) with stuffiness and a sore throat. I'm hoping it's a cold. Colds-- I can take something for. If I'm going to breastfeed is there anything I can take for allergies? I thought I would be spared this year. The trees outside our door have bloomed and the flowers fell off and the leaves have appeared. Maybe they weren't cherry or plum trees or maybe I have a new allergy or maybe I have no idea *what* I'm allergic to.

So, here I sit at 6 in the morning, cursing our DSL company because it's *still* down (went down around midnight last night), drinking peppermint tea with a splash of honey and wondering what to do with myself this morning.

Ok, have DSL back, nothing like pulling the power switch to make things reset themselves.

Anyways ... now that I have ranted for a little bit I am starting to feel sleepy again. Or maybe it's the tea. And here come the contractions ..... will she come today?????
April 11, 2002
On Motherhood

I'm Okay

By Rabona Gordon

The house is a mess, the dishes are dirty.

I'm too old for this stuff, I'm well over thirty!

The car is not clean, my house is a wreck,

And I've already spent next Friday's paycheck.

The laundry needs washing, the kids are too rowdy,

And I never have time for a leisurely "Howdy."

With all that I do, it's never enough,

It's never quite finished, it always looks rough.

I looked in my mirror and what did I see?

A harried old stranger, where I used to be.

The hurrier I go, the behinder I get.

Today is tomorrow, and I'm not caught up yet.

My kids are growing at such a fast pace,

That I'm missing their childhood for the sake of this race.

I work and I clean and I cook, and I say

"Hit the books, clean your room!" there's no time for play.

Well, the Lord, for some reason, chose ME with the care

Of three of His children, but I'm rarely there!

I've GOT to slow down lest there's nothing to show

For my role as their mom when they pack up and go!

I'm only one person, but look through my door,

What appears to be one, divides into more!

I'm a chauffeur, a cook, a planter of trees,

A teacher, an umpire, a mender of knees.

Sometimes, I forget that deep down inside,

There's a lady with feelings, and last night, she cried.

She gets tired and lonely, feels taken for granted

She wants to see blooms from the seeds that she's planted.

Then, amidst all the turmoil in this mind-bending pace,

My little ones look at me - square in the face...

And just when I need it, they all in one day

Say, "Momma, I love you" and then...I'm OKAY!

April 10, 2002
It's worth it to subscribe to the Times or try to find this article elswhere ... and you can always unsubscribe. It's free BTW.


At the opening of "The Sweet Smell of Success" last month, a successful New York guy I know took me aside for a lecture that was anything but sweet.

He said he had wanted to ask me out on a date when he was between marriages, but nixed the idea because my job made me too intimidating.

Men, he told me, prefer women who seem malleable and overawed. He said I would never find a mate, because if there's one thing men fear, it's a woman who uses her critical faculties. Will she be critical of absolutely everything?
Well, we tried inducing the fun way last night. I feel great, but no contractions yet. Had a few braxton-Hicks that I was able to mostly sleep through. Though I could feel great since it was one of the few decent nights of sleep that I've had in a week.

Tim is still recovering :)

I am finally becoming resigned that this baby will come in her own due time, and if my hunch is right, it won't be till the 24th (40 weeks after the date of conception -- July 24th) even though my due date is the 16th. I am now 39 weeks from LMP ... but only 37 weeks gestation. My doc says she'll induce at 41-1/2 weeks ... I'm assuming LMP since I really don;t want to be pregnant till the end of April.

Well, I have a paper to finish. I'm doing that student and mom thing again and just praying that I don't get burnout again.
April 8, 2002
Just a quick update. Still pregnant and no new contractions. *sigh*
April 7, 2002
Well, the wait has begun in earnest. Last night was long. Had a few powerful, painful contractions ... after about 3 hours (only at the end did they seem a little more regular) did they go away. I did the whole changing position thing (walking was not helping and neither was sitting). Laying on my back with my legs elevated a little was doable though. Tim stayed awake with me the whole time and probably for a little while after ... he slept until almost noon today. I fell asleep around 5 am and woke up around 9.

Today is the day to do homework. I would much rather go through clothes and sort them, but I have to be good and do my homework while I still have the time.

It's kinda funny. I've been worried about not being totally prepared, so yesterday we went to Babies R Us to look at strollers that would fit the car seat Bobby and Erin gave us. We actually found one that we both like (Director's Plaid, the next one up from the Featherlite if you really want to know) and then looked at car seat covers (the one on the car seat clashes terribly with the stroller ... it's the nesting in me) .... and then over to Costco to get diapers and wipes. And that night I start having contractions .... well, maybe she'll come real soon now.

Off to the library. I have to get some definitions out of the OED.
April 5, 2002
Well, had another appt. today. Everything seems fine with the baby, she's just going to be small according to the doctor. I figure that's not so bad ... easier to push out :). Josh was on the small/average side ... now look at him!

Still only 1cm dilated though I have started to efface (25%). *sigh* This baby is going to cook till the 16th at least. Well, on the bright side, that gives me time to sort through all the clothes and get a bit more organized around here.

April 4, 2002

I *don't* want to pay *whine*. Blogger hasn't posted my blogs in a few days and I don't have the $$$ to upgrade. This is sooooooo unfair!

I *don't* want to pay *whine*. Blogger hasn't posted my blogs in a few days and I don't have the $$$ to upgrade. This is sooooooo unfair!
Sometimes I think I am developing arthritis.

This morning I woke up and wanted to cry. I could hardly roll over (Tim has had to either pull me up or push me out of bed the last week), my hands felt like they were on fire, my bladder was beyond full, and my low back was starting to kill me. And yet I have this insane idea that I want another one in a few years. I wanted to cry because I feel so pathetic. I mean, I can't even get up in the morning without help. It doesn't help that I seem to have a contraction first thing in the morning on top of a full bladder. That's part of the problem. I can't move because my abdominal muscles are otherwise occupied.

At this rate (the contractions aren't coming any more frequently or strongly) I think I will make the whole 40 weeks. *grumble* Being on the damn Pill made me so regular that I could be one of the few women who fit the perfect 28-day cycle that due date calculation is based on.

Back to the arthritis. The swelling (which I never experienced with Josh!) makes it very painful in the morning. Now I know what my grandmother was talking about. Sometimes the pain lasts all day, usually till after my shower and breakfast. I can barely move my hands and they are starting to look like miniature sausages to me.

Oh well, better now since I can obviously type, and it's time to make dinner, get Josh's assignments done and maybe even get some of my own homework done ... and laundry needs to be done. I need a wife.
April 3, 2002
Well, the ultrasound went a lot faster this time than it did last time. Tim even gets to go to work before lunch.

The baby's head is huge (no big surprise there) and it's a girl (unless she has a *really* small sac) ... but there were labia and not a scrotal sack :) Tim's glad about that, Josh was disappointed, I just want to get this baby out of me! 38 weeks ... 2 more to go. Next appt. is on Friday when I hear the results of this ultrasound. I think my uterus stopped growing because it's at my ribcage, there's just not a lot of extra room in there.
Well, I did change the name to Pregnancy Photos if you were wondering .....
April 2, 2002
Oh yeah, more photos on the baby photos page. Maybe I should call it pregnancy photos since the baby isn't actually here yet.....
Well, at the rate that the baby is kicking me and contractions are coming ... I think I am going to be pregnant till the 16th. To me, there just doesn't seem to be much progress. I was impatient with Josh, one week of false labor was more than enough! But with Joy, it has been requested that I don't induce. Unless I do it the fun way :) If you want to know what the fun way is email me.

Also email me if you have any really good boy names. Just in case. I get another ultrasound tomorrow to see if the baby is growing ok. My doctor is a tad concerned because I am small for my dates. There is nothing good out there when I did a search for small for dates. I have none of the health problems associated with Intrauterine growth retardation (IUGR). I try not to worry since I was very small with Josh and he came out average sized and scored 9.9 on the Apgar. I'm much bigger (in my eyes) with Joy than I was with Josh. And her heart rate has been fine. I just hate it when doctor's even *hint* that there could be something wrong.

Ok, time to do the mommy thing and get Tim out of bed. Even on a nice sunny day such as today he's still in bed. Sometimes I worry about him ... but that's another post.
April 1, 2002
Every day for the last few weeks I have woken up feeling like an arthritic old woman. My hands are swollen (and stay that way until almost bed time) and my back is killing me, despite regular visits to the chiropractor. Yes, I am definitely ready to be done.

On a happier yet more uncomfortable note -- false labor has begun. Started last Friday (the 22nd) and has progressed to the point where they are more frequent and more uncomfortable, but not yet painful. I'm getting tired of these and wanting the painful ones to begin already. My mom says that I can wish for the baby on any day but today. I suppose that would be bad ... well, not bad, but funny. I don't think my mom wants to be the grandmother of an April Fool's baby.

Well, time for me to get the day started. I really don't mean to gripe, this is more a reminder journal of why one shouldn't get pregnant :) God has a funny way of making everyone forget all the bad stuff and focus on the bundle of Joy. I mean, even Tim is getting excited and has admitted that he's already starting to feel attached to the baby even though (s)he's not here yet.
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