Music: Imagine Me – Kirk Franklin (Hero)
I’ve been thinking about the fact that I know I have sinned against the LORD and yet feel no remorse. The epiphany – you don’t usually feel sorry about something unless you do something you feel is morally repugnant or you hurt someone you truly care for or have some sort of positive relationship with,
or you are just so amoral that you don’t care. On the one hand, I have been an adulteress for so long that I don't find it morally repungnant for myself anymore. It's part of who I am. Sometime around the time I turned 21 I destroyed the part of me that cared about that. For the second, I realized today that I may have never had a real relationship with the Lord. I feel no loss, no remorse, no ... nothing. Just the realization that something should bethere, might have been there once. 29 years of ... lip service? faking it? was it ever real?
In the whole fiasco that has consumed Tim and I for the last 8 months (wow! that long already?) I've only been compelled to apologize and felt remorse towards one person, and it wasn't Tim nor God.
So what do I do now?